| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2004|06:42 pm] |
I AM 17% PUNK ROCK!  It's not a fashion craze, or even a cool thing to do. I should just swallow it, get Lost, and take my friends with me. |
I AM 38% INTERNET ADDICT!  I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck! |
I AM 26% EMO!  Hmm.. I should stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks. |
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| lalalala |
[Dec. 24th, 2004|12:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  jubilant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none the rents are sleeeepin | ] |
this past week has been perdy darn good, this is the first night i've really just chilled at home, i'm never home anymore.
tomorrow will be 12 days workin in a row. possibly last day with ups. the weather has kept it interesting, to say the least. my toes is always froze.
busy week...... hung out with loser a few nights. doin our usual random doing nothing just talking. and smoking cigars at the playground. we is cool. lol. but its always fun. love that girly. hmm. matts welcome back party, that was fun, saw bunches of people i havent in awhile. what else what else, been to the bars a few days in the past week or so, not really drinkin cause i'm not of age, and driving too. but still fun nonetheless, which makes me happy because i know i can still have fun without it. i dont neeeed it. um, rock show last night at ofcc was cooolio. sobeits mad ones simplistics some others, definately enjoyed it. then hung out which was fun too, minus the damn BLIZZARD making driving a BIATCH. but i was exhausted from a late night before though. hmmm what the hell did i do? oh yeah, karaoke night in brunstucky with my aa girlies. i sang billy joel twice. i know you're jealous. and then we sang lit. my own worst enemy. hahha love it. then to denny's w/a drunk to try to sober her up. mmmm peanut butter pie. what else what else. i don't even remember the rest of my week. oh well. i'm excited for xmas, ???possible snowboarding?? my return to athens. some fun shows thrown in the mix ( delay! and RISE AGAINST! - speaking of which- anyone from OU going or want to ride to OU post show??) but ya know, i think i will actually miss home when i go back. its feelin good around here lately. everyone had better come down for my bday, and if not that weekend, to visit another time!! you are always welcome ( well, usually)
randomness #1- i think i am getting alot better at just being, just being me. and not being so concerned with what the hell that is. not trying to impress anyone and fit a certain mold, not trying to change it or hold on to tight to what i was.
randomness #2- i am overwhelmed, and really, i still can't help but think, gavin said it best, i'm never alone, i'm alone all the time. i may be able to surround myself with people, surround myself with friends, and still they don't know it all. maybe one or two do. but, i am just like that. not too open. and thats ok maybe.
this is random ramlbes, its to be expected, this you know.
randomness #3- i don't know how to feel this christmas. its weird to say it, esp because i know it dissapoints some, but, i don't consider myself christian anymore and therefore shouldn't technically be celebrating CHRISTmas. but, i am partaking in the commercialized gift giving visiting holiday festivity season anyways. because well, its the cool thing to do. eh, its just an odd feeling, i'll be going to church christmas day, because its what the fam always does, but, its just gonna be weird.
just got done wrapping some gifts, now i'm gonna watch elf and get some rest. workin early tomrorow. hope everyone has a very happy holidays ( i refuse to say merry christmas sorry)
oh and still dont know what the dealio is for new years eve. shit. well. me and capt mo will be together fo shizzy.
bye bye darlings
~*~ktk~*~ |
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| well well well |
[Dec. 11th, 2004|10:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | taking back sunday | ] |
so break os about half over, it doesn't seem like it, as lame as i am somehow i've let it slip by and not know it.
i've been working at ups this week now, so that makes it go faster. its cool cause the driver i ride with basically slacks off all day and we stand around talking to the customers and get free shit. can't complain about that. chocolates, perfumes, toys, food. getting paid to do nothing. but shh, don't tell the bosses he says ( thats my daddy-o). he also keeps trying to get me dates, which is hilarious, he's trying to hook me up with the bagel guy. i didnt ask him to, he just took it upon himself. do i really come across as that pathetic? yeah, probably.
last night was fun, went to the grog shop w/justin and rachel for jonny psycho. love that band. their style is different from what i listen to usually but awesome, and they are all so talented. then we added jess matt ken and tim and came back here and chilled. pool video games ping pong and lite brite. fun times fo sho. too bad i drank to much pepsi or something and couldnt fall asleep. now running on less than 4 hrs of sleep for my ELEVEN HOUR shift at the pretzel place.
thats ok i'm off tomorrow so i can deal.
for a few days there, i actually wasn't missing athens. as in, here wasn't too shabby.
i haven't started xmas shopping. i kinda want to boycott the whole holiday, but then it wouldn't be fair for me to get presents from people. damn. must start shopping.
OH YEAH- hey athenians, OUers, whatev- anyone whos gonna be 21 and there on january 4, you are taking me to the bars. and all you underagers and out of towners- party at my apt the following weekend, so be prepared!
alrighty, perhaps i should end this annoying post and get ready for work :o/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|12:01 am] |
whose going with me? assuming i stick around here and don't flee back to athens...
@ the grog shop yo..
2005 1/2 - Rise Against / The Explosion / Most Precious Blood / A Wilhelm Scream - 6pm $12
Chicago's Rise Against began in 1999 when ex-88 Fingers Louie bassist Joe Principe tapped area vocalist Tim Mcllrath for a new project rooted in the sound and social vision of traditionalist hardcore. Joined by fellow 88 Fingers vet Dan Precision on guitar and, eventually, drummer Brandon Barnes, Rise Against signed to Fat Wreck and issued The Unraveling in 2001. Extensive touring followed, leading to their sophomore outing, 2002's Revolutions Per Minute. After solid response from fans and critics alike, as well as a stint on the high-exposure Warped Tour, Rise Against left the Fat Wreck fold for DreamWorks/Geffen. By this point, guitar duties were being handled by Chris Chasse (Reach the Sky). Rise Against made their big-time debut in August 2004 with the grandiosely titled Siren Song of the Counter Culture. ~ Johnny Loftus, All Music Guide |
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| interesting.... |
[Dec. 2nd, 2004|11:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | way too easily amused/bored | ] |
i quit |
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| so i watched 3 hours of tv tonight, i havent done that in years... |
[Dec. 2nd, 2004|11:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | gotta be quiet fams a sleepin!! | ] |
hey ya'll! hows aboutsa a real update? sounds good...
too bad theres nothing much to update about...
got through the holidays ok, worked a few days rollin pretzels, havent started at ups yet, sucks cause i need money but can;t complain too much since i have had a few much needed days to relax.
cept im bored out of my mind because theres nothing to do here. my life is in athens now, i realize. kinda sad ive let so many friendships fade here to the point that i have little to come back to, but nice to think that i really do have a place in athens, sort of.
sucks around here cuz i basically lie around and watch tv and eat. at this rate i will def gain back all the weight i lost fall qtr. damn damn. was kinda hoping the not drinking so much here would mean more negative pounds, but no. oh well. its hoodie weather anyways :o)
i did manage to read 2 books in 3 days though, whoa. havent pleasure read in months. fight club and bridget jones. liked the first and not the second. v. silly. (hardy har) started another palahniuk book so i'm excited....
me, i'm lost as ever. and now my moms well aware and wondering why the hell im wasting time and money being an advertising major. hahaha oh man. i suck.
and to top it off, my cell phone doesnt work at my house, so even if someone were around to call me to hang out, i woulndt know! pssshhhh.
anywho, hope everyones break is swell, i miss you athens, and everything that goes along with it. |
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| supplies!! |
[Dec. 1st, 2004|01:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea lecthim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years and in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially virulent disease. Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea lecthim include, but are not limited to: anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior |
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| 3am cant sleep thoughts running through my head... |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|12:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
don't know where i'm going with this but bear with me...
life is confusing
there is far too much, too many people, too many places, too many viewpoints, ideas, beliefs, too many evils, too many addictions, too many terrible things, too much money, too much greed, too many pairs of shoes, too much music, too many shows, movies, sitcoms, too much history, too much speculation, too many uncertainties, too many people starving, living in poverty, homeless, dying, too many sick people, too many crazy people, too much hate, fear, ignorance, too much.
there is no way to ever even try to even remotely start to take it all in. its far too overwhelming. we are all simply a spec on the grand spectrum that is the world. , a miniscule blip on the radar screen that will go unnoticed. the world will go on whether or not you are a part of it. if you don't get out of bed today, everything will continue as normal. sure, there are a few people who will be slightly affected, but life will continue as it was, and nothing you do or dont do will really ever change that.
so live your life. concern yourself with you. not at the expense of others. not ignorantly and selfishly. but do what makes YOU happy. don't let yourself get dragged down by the BS that is the world. theres far too much. you will drive yourself insane if you try to solve the worlds problems or figure out the meaning of life or actually think you are a special and important spec of dust.
ask yourself this: If I died tomorrow, would I die happy?
What do YOU want to do before YOU die?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i'm working on it. living my life, and not getting too caught up in all the BS. but i realize more and more that i just watch everyday pass by, talking the talk but not walking the walk. i'm trying to do a better job living it to the fullest, doing things i want to do, making the most of it and taking advantage of every opportunity i have been given. but also learning to appreciate the down time. the small things. everything i take for granted. simply having a house and food and a family and friends is so much more than many people are fortunte enough to have. so i need to quit bitching about the small shit. and just let myself be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
that was more of a downer than intended. oops. don't take it as such. its not meant to be. more of a liberating revelation. yeah. thats it. ha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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| thanksgiving... |
[Nov. 25th, 2004|05:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | beatles are playing in the background... | ] |
just felt the need to inform you that... note the time... not even 6.... i am drunk.... happy turkey day
save a turkey
eat a baby
i heart you all. sorry. |
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| um yeah |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|01:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | gotta be quiet at home, parents sleeping= no fun | ] |
theres so much that i want to write here, but i am suddenly concious of the fact that anyone can read this ~ i'm tired of spilling my heart(guts-i'm heartless remember ) to anonymous readers and people simply reading this instead of actually talking to me to find out whats going on in my life....to find out what i think/feel/want/fear/do/hate/love/yougetthepoint. yet i will continue to post.... no wonder i cant talk to people, i've replaced any real contact with hiding behind online posts and such.
but still i go on... as if people care... how about confessions? i'm not perfect. i'm fucking far from it. i have a potty mouth, i probably drink more than i should more often than i should, and smoke more too, though, not quite enough, i hide behind it, because it opens me up, the 'real' me making 'real' friends that way. yeah,. not. i try not to be self centered, but i am, but face it, we all are, you have to be, but not at the expense of others, and for that i apologize, i have a hard time swallowing my pride, and asking for help, and depending on others, i try to do it all, on my own, when i know damn well i can't, i know exactly what i want to say, but i can't fucking say it, literally, i mumble jumble fumble over my words and sound like a blubbering fool, so instead, i jsut shut up, fuck. i'm uber hypocritical, as much as i try not to be, do as i say, not as i do, i'm terrified, of living, but not living enough, to the fullest, i am watching my life pass by, waiting for something, a start, a significant happening, watching others lead their lives, regretting things i havent done far more than anything i have, missed opportunities and passed chances, fuck ups and coulda shoulda wouldas, but regrets are worthless, i need outta the past, its killing me, but then again, thats all life is, a dance until death. where is the line drawn between confidence, and cockiness? liking who you are and being happy with that, and being stuck up your own ass full of yourself? stop.
'home' now. interesting. athens, i miss you. but, i think its best we spend this time apart. tehe. sleep. |
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| happy halloween |
[Oct. 31st, 2004|06:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
just a quick update bc i have oodles and oodles of work i should be doing.... arg i can't wait for the quarter to be over!!!
so...
its sunday. and its halloween. and i go to OU. that means, last night was the friggin crazy huge ass partay. and crazy it was.
but i missed most of it due to a drunk girl i didnt actually know. long story short, i end up with friend of my cousin sarah's at my apartment throwing up and blacking out. someone gets a fireman from downstairs since the 3rd or 4th fire alarm of the night was going off and has them take a look at her, who decides she needs pro care and calls her an ambulance. shes covered in puke and passed out in my bed at this point, not responding. so we end up at o'bleness. shes ok. colleen and i get back around 10:30, don't feel up to partying, and head uptown without so much as a beer. see some people, get groped and pissed off and overly-friendly and down right rude boys, and head back and call it an early night. ( we were skankified clowns, ill get pics if i can. it was funny. i;'d say slutty clowns, but that would imply there were boys involved, and there wasnt so much as a make out for ktk :o( prob woulda been more fun of a costume/night if i werent completely sober, but you'll have that)
friday night was fun. (i'm with stuqid ----> ) if you saw us you know. drank a little. wandered all over. skankified again. i think i like halloween because its an excuse to be something i can't the rest of the year. playing dress up and pretending im not me. its fun.
~~ this is thank you to my phasens because after last night i definately realized how amazing you were for taking care of me that night that "i died". you are awesome friends and i am so lucky to have people like you who would care for me like that. sorry again :o) ~~~~
anywho, it was great seeing colleen. (arizona for thanksgiving maybe!! what what!! golf carts and sun bathing- cant wait! ) its always a blast i dont see her enough. weekend was kinda a bust, but its overrated anyways. halloween completely sober was a new experience, so i guess i've got that going for me.
ps- taking back sunday this friday at newport. anyone in? i need the live music. ive missed far too many awesome shows lately.
pss- michael moore and jesse jackson were here yesterday, i didnt hear all of either speak, but it was perdy cool nonetheless. i didnt like moore speaking, he didnt come off as an intelligent guy with something to say so much as a rude ass for the most part. but i guess i still pretty much agree with most of what he thinks. the dear reverand was a much better speaker. wish i woulda seen all of his speech. i can't wait for the election to be over. kinda nervous either way, i voted kerry, because i want kerry over bush, but, either way we're screwed.
peace. |
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| ::smiles:: |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|06:55 pm] |
ahoy thar mateys!
gonna go pass out as soon as this meeting is over, but before i do i figured i'd clue ya'll in on my weekend. how ya like them apples? ( haha BIG apples)
so- nyc-w/OUAA- roomates=steph tara anna-( i wear my sunglasses at night!)
12 hours on a bus, become pretty close w/people. eek.
3 full days in the big apple=not nearly enough time
highlights:
~today show
~statue of liberty
~ground zero
~corey hart
~'i'm so new york in this hat'
~i'm a subway queen now
~young and rubicam
~i rode in a taxi finally~
~RENT five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes!
~my awesome scarf
~times square
~the comedy cellar- "have you ever dated a black guy before? (me) " no" "thats cause you're racist!" & "i can touch you from here"
~greenwich village
~yummy chinese food
~i wore pointy toed shoes, and i've learned my lesson, never will again
~tons and tons of laughs
[didnt get to see death cab or the bad/religion rise against show, or check out cbgb's. or the empire state building, or central park, or the met- all on my NEX TIME list. anyone wanna make a nyc trip??]
and then i returned to athens and died. oops.
so, i might actually write about some highlights later, but i don't have the time or energy to now.
halloween next weekend! madonna? or an 80's prom queen? or a fallen angel? or something else?? help!!
ps ERIN!!!! happy belated birthday i hope you got my message!! sorry i missed it~ i will miss you this weekend for sure!!!! |
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| uhg roller coaster ride.... |
[Oct. 11th, 2004|11:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  rushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | how about no....... my last breath | ] |
honestly, i go from so amazingly happy to such the polar opposite so quickly, what the fuck.
how can you be so surrouneded by people and not be able to go anywhere without knowing someone and have a maxed out buddy list and a gillion names in your cell phone and live with 3 other people and still feel completely alone. um. yea. ok that was my emo for the day. listening to the damn get up kids all day. thats my excuse. hardy har. i'll write this one off as no sleep last night = uber emotional ktk today. right.
i need to work on the focusing on the positive and not the negative. so much easier said than done. focus on what i do have, and not what i don't or can't. where i've been, not what i haven't yet seen. shows i've been to, not ones i can't afford right now. people who are my friends. not everyone whos not. what i am doing. not what i am missing out on. who has loved me. not who hasnt.what i have become, not who i used to be. the cute boys that will talk to me. not the ones who won't give me the time of day. the people i have kissed. not the ones i havent. people who are still here for me even after all the shit. even as a change. not those who i havent seen or heard from in ages. to see all the great things in my life, without comparing it to someone else's better more amazing life.
that was a little disjointed. and i lied, i apparently had some more emo in me.
i need some real down time, real me time to figure some things out. aint gonna happen any time soon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2004|11:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
so how about one of those annoying recaps of my amazing weekend that no one really cares about but me?? ok? ok!
so... friday~ brother, jnem and i head up to osu for the night to celebrae mikes 21st- erin and the weaver boys meet us there too... drinks are had, food is consumed, we wander high street a bit, watch some debates, focus way too much on kerry's possible botox and not enough on the issues, and just kinda chill all night. nothing too crazy, but fun times with good friends
saturdizzle ( man i need to stop talkin like that!) we head to bob evans for brunch and then back to OU, my dearest erin came back with me, her first time visiting me at school, finally our JUNIOR YEAR! but we had an amazing time. it was a definate bonding weekend, definately had some awesome talks, its amazing how we are so different yet so completely compatible and such great friends... like we said, together we are one person, or i am the evil twin and shes the good one.
anyways, i showed her strouds run, showed her campus, we made a delicious stir fry dinner and cheesecake for desert, with pina coladas on the side. drew was down for the night too and he and steph visited, he was trusting enough to let me give him a mohawk, i would say it turned out pretty well. we all kinda hung ouit and drank at the apartment, it was like a block party on my floor. tara came over too. erin freaked over weed. eventually we made it to dance or die. which was so fun. we danced on tables ( a first for her) and made some friends. after hours at a random party was pretty fun too. hung out with some cool kids and saw some people i hadnt in awhile. finally around 4 i think we made it back. a little past erins bedtime. :o)
lots of hugs. lots of smiles. a few tears. a lot of alcohol. too much junk food. great music. great company. no worries. a great weekend.
and now i am screwed because i didnt do a damn bit of homework all weekend and i have a huge project due tomorrow. oops. |
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